I dislike days like today. Because today, I am not my normal ADD, happy-go-lucky self. I am tired, grumpy, annoyed, much quieter than normal, and also quite feisty. I feel rebellious and wreckless and unsettled. I want something, but am not quite sure what it is.
Today I feel like testing my limits, going outside of the boundaries I need…. going way too far just to see it all explode. Yeah, kind of like a 5 year old who touches the stove because you told him or her it was hot, and they didn’t believe you.
Maybe it’s that I’m tired of this game of not knowing what’s coming next and feeling like everything in my life is so fragile and unpredictable…. and it is, whether I care to like it or not. Like a friend told me, “Waiting isn’t in my game plan.” Well, today I am just a little too short on patience. The whole concept of holding on just isn’t seeming that great right now. I want to be impulsive, go with my feelings, start running, and never look back.
Is that an intelligent idea? No. Am I going to do anything? No. Not anything that I haven’t been doing already, like, waiting and not letting my emotions get the upper hand. Feelings are just feelings, they change. My decision and desire to be sensible and reasonable does not.
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