Woke up this morning to the sound of a dude on tv speaking in a british accent. After making sure that he wasn’t lying next to me, I realized it was on the tv that had inexplicably been set to BBC news at some point last night….errr…. early this morning. Why was I watching BBC news last night? Was I desperately searching for my usual early morning XXX viewing on Direct TV’s pay per view? Did I pass out with my head on the remote? WTF?
As I slowly regained focus, it all came back to me. Maybe it was the smell of stripper perfume, you know the one that penetrates your pores for days. Maybe it was the pounding headache? No, it was definately the empty wallet in the back pocket of my jeans that I had not…… or could not get off this morning.
The night was supposed to be chill (isn’t it always?) a couple friends hanging out, maybe a few beers, maybe some rolled tacos. We all agreed that what we needed most was a kick back and do nothing kinda night. What the fuck happened? I’ll tell you what happened…..strippers! Lots and lots of beautiful young strippers.
Now I will admit, I am not a huge strip club dude. I always leave feeling, I don’t know……unsatisfied. But here is the real reason I’m strip club phobic.
At some point this morning:
Me ” I think that one chick was feeling me” Them “What?” Me “yeah…destiny, the one with the school girl thing on” Them ” get the fuck out of here” Me “No seriously, did you see how she just stared at me when she was upside down on the pole?” Them “Laughter” Them “Maybe it was the $10.00 bills you were stuffing in her g string” Me ” Fuck, really 10?”
Come on, you know it’s happened to you. Im not the only douchebag in the world……am I?
So it was strange and sad that a couple friends and I ended up at the place least likely to be suggested by me. But it happened, and after 14 trips to the atm, dropping $9.00 each trip on the fee to “stripcash” , I am now broke and hungry!
Oh well, at least I’ll have the smell for a week!
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