(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.
(813): I’m fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She’s next.
(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss
(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
(905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
(315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
(773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
(214): dude. I’m so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce’s mom
(214): I can’t wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce’s mom
textfromlastnight beats fml and mylifeisaverage hands down
No comments:
Post a Comment